Break..

Taking a break from the homework. I really should get it done. I don't really care what i get on it. It is a paper for english at the college. I have no passion to write about the subject. I hate the subjects english and art. I feel like there should be no grades on ideas. Who is someone to judge me? Ugh i got to write to more pages.... :(

ANger and being sick

I am sick again. No shock right? I can never seem to catch a break. I really need one. I don't want one i just need one. My body, my mind has gone into overtime. I am working very hard from not exploding on someone. Anger seeps out sometimes but that is not the worst of it. I could go pretty far. My anger is for being right and no one believing me. Or thinking i am so smart and that i understand something i should be able to explain, but you know what when i say i don't get it i don't! I am not as smart as you. I don't get all As I just take the classes and do what i want to do. I have many friends. Some better than others. I have people that actually want to call or text not just blow me off for a bf. Sure if you had other friends and just wanted to hang out with them then cool. But if you want to hang out and i am hanging out with my other friends and you want to hang out. You either join us or lose because you have left me for your bf. I am not going to be waiting for a best friend to come back, it isn't how it works. And if the only time we can hang out is school or games, i told you so. I am not saying it is your fault but i am not saying it is mine. I have been left behind to many times. I really don't care for drama. I am happy, well was. I am just sick of thinking you might get off the phone with your boy and actually call. I know not to call because you won't answer because of parents or your boy. You left me. The excuse of soccer is not good enough, those people are my friends but so what? I got time for you but i don't want your bf too. I am free spirit. Stop trying to make your views onto mine. I don't mind hearing them but trying to make me see like you isn't cool. I don't know, you lost me awhile ago. Your choice not mine. I will be waiting, but I will not look like it. I am going to live my life.

Why do the FUCK i care....

Had one of my worst nights ever.
Cried a lot.
Didn't understand.

And the thing is you probably believe I broke up with Evan, if you haven't checked facebook.

No.
Someone said something someone else couldn't say-even though that person didn't know s/he said it.
I find high school point less.

I feel like I am not living.
I am stuck.
I am being pulled down by this thing called HIGH SCHOOL.

The friends.
The drama.
The lack.
The overdose.


This is the time that shapes you. I doubt I will turn out right. I have learned that it is better to be independent. That I shouldn't care.

I do care. I hate it.

Why do I care?
Who needs me to care?
What cares about me?

Where and how I can answer. I care at high school. I care what people say and do.
I am...ugh...soft.

I want to be a rock. And if I need a cover I can get some paper (materials). If I need the paper gone I can get some scissors (a loss).

I look to the future. A bright future. A future where I can be what I wish to be, not what someone makes me.

FACT

The more and more i think, the more I seem to think i am horrible. I am thinking about how it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if i am there or gone. I could be happy doing my own thing but for some reason i think it matters what other people think and want me to do. WHO cares?
Why does it matter what i do? I am not important. Some people prove that already to me. Look out for yourself. I have to. And i see that "you" people are making me be alone, and you know what it isn't bad. I don't have drama to worry about. I am FREE. I don't have to care. I still have friends but it isn't this and that; it is peaceful. Some people just bring me down though. Ugh. I am happy when i don't have to be around people that are unhappy. I can deal with it when you are having your bad day of the year but not every single day. Just put a smile on. I do. It works. I get my feelings in other ways. I don't have to be neg. I just cry, when i need to cry. Yell in my notebook if i need to yell. Just find outlets. People are different. I don't judge.. But you can be happy being different, just don't let people be the boss of you.

Happy with angry on top...please

not in a good mood

I am but someone is making me happy...

Sunday at 12:17 i offically started a relationship with this amazing guy! :)

I am angry at myself for alot of things....not being able to run because of asthma, not trying in school, and being who i am.

Though how am i to change..change is sometimes need but isn't always for the good. I am glad Evan likes me now even if i don't like myself completely. I do like myself but i think i have changed over the summer-mostly the end. I don't think i am the same person Evan meet. I am going to be though. I am going to be amazing. I need to think. I am so confused. I am never not confused.

Why do things have to be difficult?