tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-137334592024-03-07T08:59:31.032-05:00DRAMA GIRLi am crazy i know but the people i hang around don't help but i love them so i will never get rid of them.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.comBlogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-27278842648169494592011-03-16T23:08:00.002-04:002011-03-16T23:20:54.805-04:00Red...The color read has so much meaning. Red is the color of blood...of death.. Yet the color red is the color of passion, of love, of your heart. Does that mean love brings death. Your heart will stray at times? What is love? People say it all the time, three little words that should mean a lot. "I love you" but what does it mean....I love you for body, for your passion, for what? I don't like those three little words...I am not liking love. I am not liking the feeling in my heart. I want to run..that feeling is there, stronger. I hope this feeling doesn't last long. I like being happy...haha. Though what makes me in happy and in love are different things...I am difficult person, and i love the color red.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-32139953981314641222010-12-09T12:30:00.003-05:002010-12-09T14:15:45.478-05:00Time of the year...<span class="Apple-style-span">The time of finals is upon us...The truth if you actually learned anything is here...I got 5 major tests to get through. Wish me luck. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">Though with test being one of my causes of stress, how people treat each other is another. I don't even want to come home this holiday break, the only reason I will is to see my family.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I can't stand it when people involve a third person or called a middle man into a conversation. I understand a "third person" when that third person has nothing to do with the other but knowing each of them and talking to each other is a problem. What I am saying is that so much gets said and misconstrued that it doesn't come out right or people don't understand the other. I think it is easier to talk to the person you are having a problem with directly and not to make a huge deal about it. I am believer in telling the problem and giving a solution. I don't like being fake to a person, it isn't fair to them or me. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I have a problem. I am depressed. I am sad with all the hate that gets slandered around. I also get upset when I call people, but no one calls me. Though there are times I do get called and it is about problems that I have no idea what to say or I feel like what I say is not being understood correctly, which causes a greater problem. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I guess my solution to my problem is not to talk to anyone but that just makes me sadder. My other solution is just to call people about my good news and nothing about the bad. I just feel lately like no one is there for me. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I am struggling with school as a result of this problem. I just can't think about school when I know people are angry. That is why lately I like to tell people what is on my mind, but I feel like no one is listening or what I am saying doesn't come out right. I guess I don't know what to do.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I just want right now for my friends to be friends, talk about what is making them upset to each other (each person says something) and understand that what is going on is not a big deal and it will be fixed next time. People hear different things all the time, the telephone game fails after so many people. And I get it when people are confused it doesn't help the situation but to talk figures it all out. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I am this: I love everyone. I am confused by what people tell me, so I always say <b>this is what I believe </b>when talking (which I think doesn't get heard all the time)<b>. </b>I think about everything more than once, more like 10 times. I hate being hated, I like it when everyone is friends, especially when a problem can be easily fixed. I do get upset when I think being said isn't heard or is not heard the right way, which I should be more clearer. I feel like a problem. I get frustrated easily, when not understanding. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">I just hope people can talk and feelings won't be hurt, but that never seems to happen so for that I am sorry. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">Sorry for everything. I just don't want to talk for it seems to be a problem. </span></div>fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-72347625377419075902009-11-21T12:43:00.004-05:002009-11-21T13:00:40.984-05:00Need you now....Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor<br />Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore<br />And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind<br />For me it happens all the time<br /><br />It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now<br />Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now<br />And I don't know how I can do without<br />I just need you now<br /><br />Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door<br />Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before<br />And I wonder if I ever cross your mind<br />To me it happens all the time<br /><br />It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now<br />Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now<br />And I don't know how I can do without<br />I just need you now<br /><br />Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all<br />It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now<br />And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now<br />And I don't know how I can do without<br />I just need you now<br />I just need you now<br />Ooo, baby, I need you now<br /><br />Wanting what you can't have is hard to live with. To have what you have wanted but what someone else did not want is worse, it hurts you. You may try to say it is for "you", you need something that is for you but it will hurt even a tiny bit. It does for me. I want to talk more, I want to listen a lot more. I don't want to be the silly lady. Turned off my phone for the day to not be that silly lady. I just am....just silly. But like the song I will probably call a quarter after one because i need you.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-44230895238670772732009-11-16T20:49:00.002-05:002009-11-16T21:11:58.991-05:00what to say....My life is pretty much on this blog. To understand how I think you should look at my blog. I have been hurt, I have been happy, and I have just talked too much.<br /><br />I am lost for words right now.<br /><br />i don't know when i do something wrong. I worry too much or say sorry way to often. It bugs some people but i do not know how not to say sorry. i am sorry for everything. Things I don't do i am sorry. Things I do but don't understand what makes it wrong i am sorry. I am sorry for being this person. THe person that some seem to hate or get angry at. I want to not be that person but it is not possible.<br /><br />I guess what i am trying to say..is that me right now is not correct. I don't think I am right for you, but i want to be. I want to be the person for you. What you say is "your 18", and i think it bugs you. I wish I could change it. Change is good. I don't know what you think. I try to get it out of you but it doesn't always work. You make me happy, me glow, and smile. I love spending time with you and i want to spend more time with you but i am being clingy. I know it. You say you can be but you are not. I like PDA, i like being with you, around you. Are we moving to fast? We might be. I want you to share but i don't know how to get it out of you. I am going to share that I am worried I am too much, or not enough.<br /><br />I feel by even saying this much you think I am crazy. I don't even know if I have enough guts to send this to you right away. So much of my life is on this blog. I am strange. I know. But do you know. Ugh...need to be slow. Sorry for being fast...so fast. Write me back if you want...I am kind of afraid.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-22373139200005619642009-11-05T10:36:00.004-05:002009-11-05T10:54:44.123-05:00WordsWords come easy to some<br />Difficult to say for others<br />You pondering over the correct phrase<br />The right way to organize your words<br /><br />Words are like poisoin<br />Slowing killing me inside<br />I pondering over what you have said<br />thinking of your words<br /><br />i just don't understand<br />yet shouldn't i<br />words are just a meaning<br />A way to describe<br /><br />Words try to describe<br />they can't describe my feelings<br />They can not describe my pain<br />MY hurt<br /><br />But words are words<br />Really what are words...<br />Just a way to not do what you mean<br />Not show but explain<br /><br />Words are hard<br />they can't be what i truly mean<br />There are no words for what I think<br />words can not explain the blur i am in<br /><br />Your words have put me in this blur<br />I am in this mist of swirling words<br />Words of words you have said<br /><br />I wish I could share but there is nothing to be said<br />My words are all gone<br />Used or misusedfishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-42016801827874456572009-06-08T20:28:00.002-04:002009-06-08T20:38:54.663-04:00Rain Rain Go AwayRight now I am sitting at home writing thank you cards to people....I am so tired of writing about the same thing. I am trying to make them personal but it isn't working out for me. I need to get out of the house but don't know when that will be.<br /><br /><br /><br />Life has being going okay to bad. Work, like for everyone, sucks but isn't horrible. Friends are not completely friends, some more than others. I go out every night but don't have fun some nights. I don't want to be home and I don't want to do anything else. I don't want drama but it is everywhere.<br /><br /><br /><br />I am going to finish writing and hopefully go to Bakers for some "free" pie and maybe some fun. :]fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-34004390573894527372009-04-16T23:50:00.002-04:002009-04-17T00:03:56.658-04:00While watching Bones..So I can't sleep, got a major headache. My allergies are back...darn it. Work is going to suck tomorrow but should be slow due to it being nice outside. I coach my first soccer Game on Sat., I think the girls are going to do well but I have to figure out playing time. My speech today i wong(w/e), and won! 1 point docked due to my conclusion kind of sucking. :] But back to the serious things in life....<br /><br />My life has only two problems at the moment: my love life and my Grandma.<br /><br />First my Grandma is in the hospital today because she fell again. This time my Grandma fell getting the mail and seriously injuring her shoulder. My mom left two hours after the news, she is really worried. I sent a card of course not knowing what else to do.<br /><br />My love life....not as serious as my Grandma but a problem... I was thinking on the way home how worse it could be but it isn't. Though I was thinking of how lucky it is for some girls to have the guy that takes them out and pays, then sits with them under the stars. I want the romantic guy but not going to happen when i am the clinging type. I am not seriously clinging...i just want what i can't have. ugh :[ I get sick of boys that are clinging but i do the same thing sometimes, how contradictory.<br /><br />Heres the main problem.............I like a guy again, that has no interest in me than me being a trophy, at least that is the vibe I get. I decided not to be the one to text him, but have him text me so it took until 7:55 ish for him to text me....that made my day to have him text me. :] but it shouldn't be like that. I am afraid that he likes one of my sort of friends still and i am just side game for saying something when i wasn't myself....grrr. but then again i am pulling him along because i am dating Bob. errrrrrr..... So much confusion, i just want to be happy.... :[<br /><br />Being myself means changing everything.....fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-24842461775054444862009-04-15T22:48:00.002-04:002009-04-15T23:09:47.751-04:00This Blog is NOT Dying! WootHello Peeps....<br /><br />I feel the need to type....to talk...to be heard.....to be noticed... That doesn't happen alot.<br />But when i feel this way my thoughts can't make it to the computer...i can't type them...I feel the need to explain but I can't. I am angry, upset, happy, confused, disapointed....just emotional.<br /><br />I feel like I am slowest person on earth to find love....Sure i LIKED people and might have said I love you to some but really not true love. I haven't found a high school love. It seems like everyone around me has found that someone.... I am dating someone but i don't feel love.......nor passion.... I need love and passion... I think I might have found that person a long time ago but let him ago..i want that sort of feeling back, it wasn't love but close, it could have been.<br /><br />I just feel like a horrible person, a person that is too lost to find a way to understand....<br /><br />I need something new....instead of falling in love with an idea. My idea is not meant to be reached and will not be reached. I am going to think pratical..................grr it is so hard to think. If it could all be a dream but it isn't.<br /><br />It doesn't matter how long your life is but how you live it.<br /><br />I love life, I am going to live and learn and if i make it to 100 i am going understand....but understand for what...what comes next? It is all questions that need to be answered but will not be anwsered....fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-57568042763804351152009-04-15T17:14:00.001-04:002009-04-15T17:16:00.551-04:00My blog...I guess my blog is coming to an end soon...... It says Scheduled outage at 2:00AM PDT Thursday (4/16). This sucks.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-27345777007874658612008-10-24T15:24:00.002-04:002008-10-24T15:56:22.862-04:00The Old Days...I miss when life was simple. Life could be simple now if it wasn't for drama attention seeking ppl. That is what is wrong in my life along with school right now. It isn't so bad but it still makes it difficult.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-53956526946022029852008-10-12T22:19:00.002-04:002008-10-12T22:30:26.637-04:00FOCUSEDGot to get focused...Have to pick. Got to get ready. Be prepared.<br />Ready set go....<br /><br />I am at the point everyone gets to...having to decided on stuff. Future stuff.<br />Someone dies though....A kid that grad. from the same high school i am to in about 8 months. A guy that had everything. Who went to NDSU-the school i want to go to. He kills himself. We miss him. There is nothing to bring him back though but memories.<br />A death makes you think about your own life, your own decisions.<br />I am rethinking about NDSU. I am not sure.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-34543285313056691662008-10-06T13:10:00.002-04:002008-10-06T13:16:53.583-04:00WTFOh my...I don't care. What a shock? Really it is. I care about nothing it seems these days. The world could end and i wouldn't care. Sounds negative right? Well negative i am. I am not to blame. Should i take the blame no? Should some people own up to there doings sure, am i to make them or tell on them? That is the question. I don't think so. I am a free bird. I got my own stuff to deal with not some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">petite</span> high school drama bullshit. Sure I think I know shit but i don't. I don't know anything now. It isn't me. I am useless person who hates being noticed. I like being in the crowd not standing out. I think college is going to be the great awaking. I am going to get out of this <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">realm</span> and start a new one for only six years. I need change. CHANGE. I hate being here-high school. I want freedom. Away from stupid people. I trust and care to much. Not any more. No more using me. I am not weak, so stay the fuck away from me!fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-79529153007359614242008-09-28T13:09:00.002-04:002008-09-28T13:16:54.694-04:00Break..Taking a break from the homework. I really should get it done. I don't really care what i get on it. It is a paper for english at the college. I have no passion to write about the subject. I hate the subjects english and art. I feel like there should be no grades on ideas. Who is someone to judge me? Ugh i got to write to more pages.... :(fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-89245586388264311872008-09-27T15:02:00.001-04:002008-09-27T15:18:06.970-04:00ANger and being sickI am sick again. No shock right? I can never seem to catch a break. I really need one. I don't want one i just need one. My body, my mind has gone into overtime. I am working very hard from not exploding on someone. Anger seeps out sometimes but that is not the worst of it. I could go pretty far. My anger is for being right and no one believing me. Or thinking i am so smart and that i understand something i should be able to explain, but you know what when i say i don't get it i don't! I am not as smart as you. I don't get all As I just take the classes and do what i want to do. I have many friends. Some better than others. I have people that actually want to call or text not just blow me off for a bf. Sure if you had other friends and just wanted to hang out with them then cool. But if you want to hang out and i am hanging out with my other friends and you want to hang out. You either join us or lose because you have left me for your bf. I am not going to be waiting for a best friend to come back, it isn't how it works. And if the only time we can hang out is school or games, i told you so. I am not saying it is your fault but i am not saying it is mine. I have been left behind to many times. I really don't care for drama. I am happy, well was. I am just sick of thinking you might get off the phone with your boy and actually call. I know not to call because you won't answer because of parents or your boy. You left me. The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">excuse</span> of soccer is not good enough, those people are my friends but so what? I got time for you but i don't want your bf too. I am free spirit. Stop trying to make your views onto mine. I don't mind hearing them but trying to make me see like you isn't cool. I don't know, you lost me awhile ago. Your choice not mine. I will be waiting, but I will not look like it. I am going to live my life.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-55146350438790125722008-09-18T01:17:00.002-04:002008-09-18T01:28:49.529-04:00Why do the FUCK i care....Had one of my worst nights ever.<br />Cried a lot.<br />Didn't understand.<br /><br />And the thing is you probably believe I broke up with Evan, if you haven't checked facebook.<br /><br />No.<br />Someone said something someone else couldn't say-even though that person didn't know s/he said it.<br />I find high school point less.<br /><br />I feel like I am not living.<br />I am stuck.<br />I am being pulled down by this thing called HIGH SCHOOL.<br /><br />The friends.<br />The drama.<br />The lack.<br />The overdose.<br /><br /><br />This is the time that shapes you. I doubt I will turn out right. I have learned that it is better to be independent. That I shouldn't care.<br /><br />I do care. I hate it.<br /><br />Why do I care?<br />Who needs me to care?<br />What cares about me?<br /><br />Where and how I can answer. I care at high school. I care what people say and do.<br />I am...ugh...soft.<br /><br />I want to be a rock. And if I need a cover I can get some paper (materials). If I need the paper gone I can get some scissors (a loss).<br /><br />I look to the future. A bright future. A future where I can be what I wish to be, not what someone makes me.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-31007914366664451232008-09-15T22:23:00.003-04:002008-09-15T22:33:39.025-04:00FACTThe more and more i think, the more I seem to think i am horrible. I am thinking about how it doesn't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">matter</span>. It doesn't matter if i am there or gone. I could be happy doing my own thing but for some reason i think it matters what other people think and want me to do. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">WHO</span> cares?<br />Why does it matter what i do? I am not important. Some people prove that already to me. Look out for yourself. I have to. And i see that "you" people are making me be alone, and you know what it isn't bad. I don't have drama to worry about. I am FREE. I don't have to care. I still have friends but it isn't this and that; it is peaceful. Some people just bring me down though. Ugh. I am happy when i don't have to be around people that are unhappy. I can deal with it when you are having your bad day of the year but not every single day. Just put a smile on. I do. It works. I get my feelings in other ways. I don't have to be neg. I just cry, when i need to cry. Yell in my notebook if i need to yell. Just find <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">outlets</span>. People are different. I don't judge.. But you can be happy being different, just don't let people be the boss of you.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-49714284577530226352008-09-14T20:05:00.003-04:002008-09-15T22:15:17.205-04:00Happy with angry on top...please<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvJ0fdT9dbFhf7iU2GBHU4rEt5PnfLf0B0TADfqhIVkG1R2XcXnvZxBx7DxMFvIVVsZ15dtPFFa2U8V1zmMH3W0ixTvsjA3oxamfRoeBcy7ss4UsKjFpU4if3-k-twf7vhOC93w/s1600-h/P7220741.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246435990934823506" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvJ0fdT9dbFhf7iU2GBHU4rEt5PnfLf0B0TADfqhIVkG1R2XcXnvZxBx7DxMFvIVVsZ15dtPFFa2U8V1zmMH3W0ixTvsjA3oxamfRoeBcy7ss4UsKjFpU4if3-k-twf7vhOC93w/s320/P7220741.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div>not in a good mood<br /><br />I am but someone is making me happy...</div><br /><div></div><div>Sunday at 12:17 i offically started a relationship with this amazing guy! :)</div><div></div><br /><div>I am angry at myself for alot of things....not being able to run because of asthma, not trying in school, and being who i am. </div><div> </div><div>Though how am i to change..change is sometimes need but isn't always for the good. I am glad Evan likes me now even if i don't like myself completely. I do like myself but i think i have changed over the summer-mostly the end. I don't think i am the same person Evan meet. I am going to be though. I am going to be amazing. I need to think. I am so confused. I am never not confused. </div><div> </div><div>Why do things have to be difficult? </div>fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-82082119937363660292008-08-31T23:15:00.002-04:002008-08-31T23:18:39.234-04:00Wasting...I am wasting my life.<br />I feel like i should be doing something.<br />I shouldn't be at home on the computer, i should be out in the world helping people.<br />I want to be important, i want to make an impact.<br />I think about how it would to become old and i hate it.<br />I believe that we should make a difference and then die. We have done our part.<br /><br />Waste is what is happening with our lives.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-90251899867036929722008-08-31T21:16:00.002-04:002008-08-31T21:20:47.705-04:00confusedWhen am i not confused?<br /><br />I am really laid back right now. Nothing is going on in my life to really make me woundup tight.<br /><br />School sucks already. My summer ended last weekend.<br /><br />I am wanting to go anywhere but near my family at the moment.<br /><br />Missing people who are in college brings a toll on me.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-74419980553184328112008-08-14T01:08:00.003-04:002008-08-14T01:18:34.225-04:00Night StormNight storm the dance club was tonight and I did not go. I instead had a night of a storm. Wasn't a good night but not completely horrible. But I am home now with tori sleeping over, so all is well.<br /><br />Soccer started on Monday and I kill at the moment. Practice today was slacking so tomorrow will be shit. At least I had fun today.<br /><br />Dells. Oh the dells how I get sick there again. I went there for three days and all the 3 days I was sick. I got a bite from an unknown insect and it left a nasty mark on my back. I mean it was a ring and everything. You didn't want to feel like me. So that trip sucked.<br /><br />I don't know. That is my saying.<br /><br />I miss my player....my fun. LOL<br /> Shouldn't be saying that. I mean I hate seniors of 08 because they are my friends and they are leaving me for college. :( I am going to be in college too! but I am at RCTC right down 14.<br /><br /><br />I just want things to be normal. Normal. What do I know about normal? WHo does? THe people who are know it alls but they don't know everything because they don't know they seem dumb sometimes to the less intelligent beings on this earth.<br /><br /><br />RCTC has two classes for me English and Econ. High School is just Calc.<br /> What fun am I going to have? lol I should just make the best out of it all.<br /><br /><br />Whinny page is over. Hope you viewers had a good time! ;)fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-71367318415272297792008-08-06T16:47:00.002-04:002008-08-06T16:55:42.491-04:00So....I have learned that when i am happy or just not caring I don't write on this blog. I thought i should share that. THe only reason i am writing right now is because i am bored and don't want to clean. Family is coming over tonight and then we are are all leaving for the Dells. I kind of want to stay this weekend because I could play soccer and hang out with a new friend.<br />Lately i have been in my own little world. The only thing keeping me with the outside world is soccer. I know that in college i won't play and i am sad. I am really sad because i think this fall season i am not going to last. I have now hurt both my legs. My right gave out and i hurt my left. It hurt so bad i didn't even notice i was bleeding. The only thing i can do is rest but the season starts in a week...A couple pick up games are 3 days after practice starts, so no fun. With fall soccer starting means school starting and i feel like i have to do just school, no fun until i get school done. I have been to 7 colleges total and I have found 3 possible ones-Fargo, Duluth, and Brookings. If i do well on my ACT my mom said maybe just maybe i could go to DRake. I don't know why but i feel like I really want to go there. Money is just a problem.<br /><br />Dont know what else to tell.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-18891088292806071102008-08-02T14:01:00.002-04:002008-08-02T14:08:53.779-04:00Being StrongerThe world can't be happy all at once. For someone to be happy another person has to hurt. I have been hurting but now i am content. i think i found a good thing. I think it is my turn to be the one smiley. :) I have gotten over the past. I know it is there but why think about it. I willl use it.<br /><br />The past is strapped to our backs. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960<br /><br />So what is up world? I am ready to see and walk. I will tell you when i am ready to talk to you.fishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-36016042251512046222008-07-31T00:23:00.002-04:002008-07-31T00:33:22.728-04:00PISSED OFF!!!Anger runs through my veins!!!!<br /><br />My mom read part of my blog. Fuck that. She told me it was no big deal and that it is just about boys and doesn't understand y i write on here. So I told her about how I stole money from her and got my tattoo-airbrush tattoo. Yeah i am a bad ass-whatever. I just feel angry. I want peace. I want to be away.<br /><br />Another vacation wouldn't be bad. i am thinking Canada. They have good shopping up there.<br /><br />I think i am going to either NDSU or SDSU for college. Both have benfits and faults.<br /><br />People just want to see me cry. That is all i seem to do lately. I just can't handle how things are going right now. i need to feel love but where to find it. i wish i could buy... Who needs love? I DO!!! but really i don't. i need to think. Thinking. Thinking doesn't get you anywhere, but in a mess.<br /><br />I am a mess. Some one should mop me upfishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-59641885561455710422008-07-30T16:00:00.002-04:002008-07-30T16:15:49.743-04:00Why?A question asked so often i wonder if there is any real reason.<br /><br />Fact:<br />Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!<br /><br />Now why would someone rob a bank? Isn't the government helpping them? What do you really need in life that is worth stealing. What a fucking material world we live in. If you need money sell the stuff you don't need, get a job. i don't know, i am just saying WHY?<br /><br />Why do we live? Why are we here? Is there reason? Is there hope?<br /><br /><br />I just don't feel good. Haven't every since i have seen what a fucking stupid person i have been. Last night i hung out with tori and her story relates to mine, but the only difference i have known that i am not the only one and i don't get any speacial treatment. Even though the "I have done more with you than anyone else" should make me feel better it doesn't. I want MORE! Why can't i get more? Just yell at me. Give me a reason to hate you. Let me escape. I want out or i want more. PICK ONE! You don't care do you? You haven't really talked to me about this.<br /><br /><br />I am going try to stop writing about this problem.<br /><br />And on to the next...<br /><br />I gave nikki the chance to be with luke. I hate being the bigger person. Though it wouldn't be far to luke if i had feelings for someone else.<br /><br />Laptop is has low battery..<br /><br />Bye Bye for now<br />Kandifishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13733459.post-10464228120058636602008-07-29T21:51:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:54:50.204-04:00Calls..Made two phone calls today. Not sure if any of them were a good call.<br /><br />I guess calling Hayley didn’t really hurt, I found out she actually did have my sunglasses. I told her she did. No one listens to me-they think I am dumb. Sometimes they can think that but really I am a smart cookie. Though I got Ben’s phone number from her, the one I deleted. I put it back into my phone named PLAYER. After talking to Hayley I realized that my mom had his number too.<br /><br />It lasted 1:08. I sounded dumb. Shocked that someone answer. Surprised there wasn’t some question, some yelling, anything. It was normal. How stupid am I? Of course it was to be normal, he hadn’t been online yet. I found my voice after awhile. I had before been asking for no one to pick up. I didn’t say hello for awhile, still dazed. I couldn’t believe I was the one making the call. Angry now pluses through me. I shouldn’t have called until later. Now going to the fair tonight will make me look desperate, he is going to be working there. Well so does this blog but this is like a diary that I don’t care that some read others I do. <br /><br />I need a life other than this blog but I haven’t been home for about 2 weeks. Things add up, you think about things more. It is like Muppets Treasure Island the song Cabin Fever. I just need to be home. I need to get myself back into a routine.<br /><br />Sorry for the last couple blogs, just needed to get some stuff off of my shoulders. Even though I haven’t fixed anything-I feel better.<br /><br />Thanks for listening,<br /><br />Shameful Easy Hidden in the Closet Kandifishiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11427482373834367976noreply@blogger.com0