Saturday, March 31

Some good, and alot bad....

ok the good:
I had an ok day at play practice with nikki and ben.
My Uncle got his new house that he wanted.

The bad:
Buck hates me(the day before, him and jeff(with courtney in the backround), in mr. little's room, told me they hate me in a rude way and no one likes me). I just couldn't stand it that supposely courtney was my friend and she wouldn't stick up for and i do for her. I just made me sad.........
Then my mom brings and pizzas and tells me that she spent about 60 dallors and now i have to get people to help out with the cost....i hate asking people for money.....
I really think rob is starting not to get me, i just don't know what to do....
It seems like i have no one that i need when i do need them...
And i am really get sick of people hating each other, i do know i dislike some people at times but not enough to just be plain mean.....
And Missi "needs" to talk to me and i don't know what it is about.
My Life and Death stuff deleted the other day and i have to redue all of it.
ANd my life just isn't working.

Help me.......

Friday, March 30


No one is there that i need.....

Thursday, March 29

Can't put up with it...

Depression is all around me....I gave a warning that this week wouldn't be good and it isn't.... I just told you so and you didn't listen....I don't want a boyfriend right now, i know there is guy that wants to date me and he did a really sweet thing for me, but i can't do it, i have been hurt and i just don't want to damage anymore relationships, sure it could be fixed later.... ANd i hate it when i tell someone something and they then think i am a jerk, it doesn't work that way and then they hurt my friends.... I just want things to be good, i don't want to be a cause of something, i just want to go away.

I think relationships in high school are dumb in a way......you are prob. never going to see that person every again after high school and i plan to go on.....so you got to too...and don't change because of me....

Being myself...

Being myself is not putting up with the jerks at school and at drama practice. I just want to leave these areas but i know i can't leave school so i think i might just give up on drama because i really am having trouble in school because of it and soccer. Well, i need to prac. at soccer and i know i am better at that then drama. I really just need time to think, but where do you find time, do you know the sand man.... I don't and i hate it. Save me from time and questions and going on....

Wednesday, March 28

Worst Day Ever or Should i say Week....

Today sucked...I mean it was all going good in health and the funny thing was we talked about stress in health and i think right now everyone is causing me to stress, i just feel like i can't take it. My stressors are:

People asking are you "ok"
Stupid People
People always telling me there problems but me not getting to share mine
Traveling Soccer
Back pains
And....Drama- i think drama prac. has been one of my main stressors since the begining of play prac. I really think it is the fact the Mr. Little isn't there all the time (and that i think that other english teacher is trying take over and relationships in drama are really making it worse) and i can't talk to anyone and i get blamed for anything that goes wrong it seems like, and i all i hear are the neg. things and there are people just picking on me, i just can't take it anymore, it isn't fun to be me.

The only good things are Hannah and Tyler and sort of my cousin Jackie right now, alot of other people are just making things worse.

I just want things to go better in my life, i am just waiting.......

Sunday, March 25


Major problems are followed by headaches..... I just hope some people wouldn't cause any this week but i think there will be alot.... grrrrr.... i am getting so fusturated, i just can't wait until two years of my life past bye.... Well, here goes the week.

Friday, March 16


i am taking one day at a time, though taking comments or questions or anything will take time.

Thursday, March 15

I can't......

Life is....

Me trying to do.....

Me understanding....

Me being myself....

Me, Me, Me it sounds like...but if you don't like it don't read it....

I have problems.....

Trust, relationships, friends, family, soccer and the main one



Tuesday, March 13



The symptoms of SAD usually recur regularly each Winter, starting between September and November and continuing until March or April. A diagnosis can be made after three or more consecutive Winters of symptoms, which include a number of the following

Sleep problems: Usually desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake but, in some cases, disturbed sleep and early morning wakening
Lethargy: Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
Overeating: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
Depression: Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
Social problems: Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
Anxiety: Tension and inability to tolerate stress
Loss of libido Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
Mood changes In some sufferers, extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (overactivity) in spring and autumn.

Most sufferers show signs of a weakened immune, system during the Winter, and are more vulnerable to infections and other illnesses.

SAD symptoms disappear in Spring, either suddenly with a short period (e.g., four weeks) of hypomania or hyperactivity, or gradually, depending on the intensity of sunlight in the Spring and early Summer.

In sub-syndromal SAD, symptoms such as tiredness, lethargy, sleep and eating problems occur, but depression and anxiety are absent or mild.

SAD may begin at any age but the main age of onset is between 18 and 30 years.

It occurs throughout the northern and southern hemispheres but is extremely rare in those living within 30 degrees of the Equator, where daylight hours are long, constant and extremely bright.

Thursday, March 8

Why does life have to be unfair?

I don't get it. Why do people that want to die and kill themselves get to live life healthy but people that do want to life get horrible diseases. Yes, i know people that kill themselves have mental issues but why is life unfair to those who do want to live. I have learned now that i want to live my life my way, your input will matter but it is up to me. I am not going stop at something and i am not going to slow down. I now know life is important and short. Tonight, think, which is kind of hard for me about these subjects because when i get an answer i can't remember and don't usually get time to write it down. So what i need is time and so do those people that want to live.

Shut up!!!

Ok another do you wonders

Do you have something that is secert but you have no place to push it out. I mean do you have something no one knows and you want to tell someone but you don't want to, you are afarid to face the truth. I have one and i am. If you think you know, i doubt you really do.
I am just scared.


i am just wondering
do you think you are different than you look.
i don't look at mirrors anymore.
i don't like the way i look,
i feell different than,
the way it is.

So i am just wondering,
do you like the way you


Friday, March 2

Save me............