Thursday, April 16

While watching Bones..

So I can't sleep, got a major headache. My allergies are back...darn it. Work is going to suck tomorrow but should be slow due to it being nice outside. I coach my first soccer Game on Sat., I think the girls are going to do well but I have to figure out playing time. My speech today i wong(w/e), and won! 1 point docked due to my conclusion kind of sucking. :] But back to the serious things in life....

My life has only two problems at the moment: my love life and my Grandma.

First my Grandma is in the hospital today because she fell again. This time my Grandma fell getting the mail and seriously injuring her shoulder. My mom left two hours after the news, she is really worried. I sent a card of course not knowing what else to do.

My love life....not as serious as my Grandma but a problem... I was thinking on the way home how worse it could be but it isn't. Though I was thinking of how lucky it is for some girls to have the guy that takes them out and pays, then sits with them under the stars. I want the romantic guy but not going to happen when i am the clinging type. I am not seriously clinging...i just want what i can't have. ugh :[ I get sick of boys that are clinging but i do the same thing sometimes, how contradictory.

Heres the main problem.............I like a guy again, that has no interest in me than me being a trophy, at least that is the vibe I get. I decided not to be the one to text him, but have him text me so it took until 7:55 ish for him to text me....that made my day to have him text me. :] but it shouldn't be like that. I am afraid that he likes one of my sort of friends still and i am just side game for saying something when i wasn't myself....grrr. but then again i am pulling him along because i am dating Bob. errrrrrr..... So much confusion, i just want to be happy.... :[

Being myself means changing everything.....

Wednesday, April 15

This Blog is NOT Dying! Woot

Hello Peeps....

I feel the need to type....to talk...to be heard.....to be noticed... That doesn't happen alot.
But when i feel this way my thoughts can't make it to the computer...i can't type them...I feel the need to explain but I can't. I am angry, upset, happy, confused, disapointed....just emotional.

I feel like I am slowest person on earth to find love....Sure i LIKED people and might have said I love you to some but really not true love. I haven't found a high school love. It seems like everyone around me has found that someone.... I am dating someone but i don't feel love.......nor passion.... I need love and passion... I think I might have found that person a long time ago but let him ago..i want that sort of feeling back, it wasn't love but close, it could have been.

I just feel like a horrible person, a person that is too lost to find a way to understand....

I need something new....instead of falling in love with an idea. My idea is not meant to be reached and will not be reached. I am going to think pratical..................grr it is so hard to think. If it could all be a dream but it isn't.

It doesn't matter how long your life is but how you live it.

I love life, I am going to live and learn and if i make it to 100 i am going understand....but understand for what...what comes next? It is all questions that need to be answered but will not be anwsered....

My blog...

I guess my blog is coming to an end soon...... It says Scheduled outage at 2:00AM PDT Thursday (4/16). This sucks.