Lost...

I don't know.
I am lost in my little world that has one foot in front of another.
I need a plan.

I don't understand...

I don't understand but that is okay.
I know you don't care.
I don't either.
I will play your game.

I am going to see now.

WOW

I like you...
How can you not see it?
Are you blind?
Don't you not want to tell me you don't feel the same way?
Is there something wrong with me?

GRRRRRRR

Alot to say, but a little i can say....

Typing this while having the hicups. IT bites.

Let us start from yesterday....

Around 2ish i went over to nikkis house, we planned to get our hair curled by her mom. That took until 6ish-eating included and torando watch.

We then went to my house to get my crap-not alot of it, wasn't staying overnight.


Finish tomorrow or later tonight.

If you get bored watch...

Zeitgeist - The Movie- 12 of 13 (Part 4/5 - Behind Curtain)

You can watch any part to this. It is interesting and informative. I do or don't believe it.

PISSED

Well my parents just got home, what a joy. I found out that they got the wrong type of pizza after I told them not to get that kind! "Well, Alyssa won't eat any other kind but this" What the fuck!!!! She only eats a tiny piece anyway and plus she just ate junk food. I am sick of junk food and cooking. I want to go out but no mom and dad get to without telling anyone else. They get good food while we are stuck with the shit-fuck that. I am really angry. I talked to my mom in a nice fashion and did shit around the house and then she is like well you can't stay at Ben’s at four like you wanted 1 is the latest I want you out. What the hell? I am a bad kid and I get nothing and now I am good and I still get nothing. Becca E. gets to stay over night!!! GRRRR. I guess I shouldn't want to stay anyway. I doubt what I want to happen there is going to happen! Anger again. Nothing can go the way I want. I want-lets call him Bob- to ask me out or do something! That can't happen because BOB seems to have another girl Sapphire and he will never tell me his feelings. It isn't like at Ben's he is going to do anything anyway he has all his friends there. I think I am to embarrassing for him. That is what my friends say. Though when they want a couple to hang out with it is him that they want me to bring along. I don’t know what to do. I know what ppl want me to do and what I want but it doesn't mean that is going to happen because BOb doesn't know. Well I hope he does now but then again for reading this blog he just might think I am crazy. Plus I have this thing that I wont' do anything, anything without commitment. So what fun is my night going to be tomorrow? That question is up to my friends, bob, and bob's friends.
Pissed Drama Girl

Just sitting around...

Sitting at home does me no good. I should be cleaning or reading to get my mind off of thinking.

i am just wondering what you think? Think about all of it. Me?

I am going to do something to stop thinking, it would help if you just told me.

Schools out for summer....

Schools done. Really it was done last Friday. I only came to school because of one class-Math Anal. I had a three tests this week in the that class. I bombed the 1st one and the second one i did well on and the one i took today i sucked it up-i was rushed. But I AM DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL! The only time i am coming back is for calc. next year, the rest is at RCTC. Well i am coming back for soccer but really that is going to fly by. I just noticed that i have to look at colleges and start applying, but i can't do that until i retake the ACT in Sept.

Summer is going to be a blast. I plan to hang out with the tresholes-torhole, nikhole. And maybe other ppl if they can get away for their guys long enough. I though i am probably going to be single this summer, even though i don't want to be... THat one guy just confuses me... But it is summer time, so time to be free. It is going to be hard to be free with the apts. my mom has made, soccer, camps, and going to D.C. I really just want to hang out with my buddies, all them- with or without the guys. Summer is time for bad decisions-not what you think, but time to get away from the strictness of life when there is school.

Well I have a busy day today....Soccer, Soccer, pick up mother, and maybe hang out with torhole or do that tommorrow. Doesn't sound busy but it is alot. I have been stressed lately-staying up until 4 getting Math Anal half way done, dealing with parents, and thinking.

Thinking is bad, doing is alright, nothing is perfect.

Just waiting for Saturday.

Drama Girl

Free Refills...

Today(June 1st) was the best and worst. I got to hang out with my friends of the graduated class of 08. I will miss them greatly. Though, most of them I will see at RCTC or I can visit them over Xmas break.

I just thought about Cheryl and how I think that she is alive. I believe she is at Iowa State living her dream life. Back to reality she is gone. I will never forget her. My dreams will never give up.

I want something I can never have, at least I think I can't and no one has proven me wrong. I want pop. The only thing with getting pop is that there is a line of difficulties in the way. The machine is blocked by friends and enemies. When I get the chance to get pop I never really do. I have made the choice for the pop to come to me. I might press the button to give the pop a hint but all I get is water with a small hope of the fountain drink. I am going to work on my problems in front of me but I am not going to do what I have done in the past-be forward or mysterious. I am going to be like other girls, and then maybe I will get pop. The question is why do I want this pop, other drinks work. There are many choices/options of pop? People say this pop isn't good for me. I want to listen and see what they do but I can't. Love is blind, love isn't healthy, love is a short blast of happiness that is taken away by death. I feel like a jerk for wanting this pop but I really do!!!! I feel like Becca. I have false hope, I do believe. I am going to get this pop, I don't care anymore.
Things are going to change this weekend...a free refill.

Drama Girl

Not in the best mood at the moment...

So...today was not a good day and i just made it worse. I shouldn't have been on the phone talking to that person. I seem to bring myself down by doing that. grrr. Sometimes ppl have brain farts and i just did.....!!! I wrote a very long journal the other day and i will post it tomorrow during school. These next couple of days though will be busy. I have school, where math anal is going to kill me. I have 3 test the next couple of day for this class. My grade will hopefully go up though. Then i have to people's coop. and then hopefully get into sports medicine before my soccer game on Thursday because my leg kills.
The only good news is this weekend-party and after that my going away party!!!

Drama girl

Graduation

Today is the day most of the 2008 seniors have been waiting for...graduation. I have been waiting for 1 year at the most now to get out of the house. I really want to have a life of my own when i am young.
Right now i am sitting at AmericInn waiting to leave to make it in time for graduation. I really am waiting for the parties. I think i am going to 3 to 4 but who cares i am going. Unlike last year and the year before when my mom was a mean and sad i couldn't go to any. I missed everyones, including Cheryl's. I feel really bad. Boys are stupid. Why can't us girls just remember that....
Well on my way home
Drama Girl

I get to wear a dress today so smile at my white legs! :)